No, this is not a belated Valentine's day message. I just want to share my recent reading adventure with you : The book is Desmond Morris: Intimate Behaviour.
I guess you know the zoologist author, and the book, in spite of the pink cover, is purely scientific. It talks about the forms and the importance of touch; how we touch a friend, a partner, a stranger in different situations and what the message is behind.
Most importantly, it brings evidence that touch is needed for every human being: children are bigger, healthier and smarter if their moms hugs them, touch eases the pain, and, of course, loneliness.
Morris thinks that civilized people have a great shortage of gentle touch: we are so restricted in this, that we hire professionals: hairdressers, chiropractors, or we see a doctor just to be touched. That people fight for the sake of bodily contact. (That must be extreme but not unimaginable, I think...)
He also suggested that if we were a bit more intimate with our fellow people, a lot of tension and frustration would go away and we were happier a little bit.
Independently from his research, there is a movement, http://www.freehugscampaign.org/
which has the same goal. Here is a video of what are they doing. Just watch the people's face, it tells stories.
I've always found hard to touch other people, even my close relatives or friends (I don't have to tell you that :)), and reading the book didn't make it easier. I am not ready to stand on the corner with my FREE HUGS cardboard sign, either, but I welcome the movement and happy that there are people out there who are able to do just that. And I promiss, that next time we meet, I will hug you! (want it or not :))
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In the real Castro Bisztro it would be beer/wine/champagne and talk.
Here it is just talk.
But hang on, we are planning on distributing beers soon!
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10 comments:
Big, big hugs to you! And guess what : yes I want.
I think tarelle would be surprised to know that I was on a no-hugs-no-touch policy for a very long time, before we've met! (or maybe i've told you already?) Now we are just like a basket of kittens and I can't get enough of it :)
It must be true, though - and not only because I love Desmond Morris (have you read his book about cats?) and I am glad we all join the hug-aware part of humanity :) Remember nana, I even had a shy attempt to say goodbye this way, but the Batthyany metro station is just not intimite enough :D
and yes, we've met people with a cardboard sign like this in Ghent, remember, tarelle? They were all handsome twenty-something university guys so I refused because of the other connotations it might have had ;)
I didn't know he has a book on cats! I have to have it.
Here is a quiz for you guys: which is the kind of touch/bodily contact what people practically never do to their partners?
hmmm...scratching? (unless you ask for it) I dont't know and it bugs me...let us know, quick, quick!
and yes, you have to read it immediately - it is a book in his series of "...watching", starting with Manwatching and followed by dog/horse/animal etc. Catwatching is the only one I've read - and proudly own! It is the first book I have ever bought in Shakespeare and Co :)
Many books for me to read and discover, that is great you are around, my friends!
As to the test, I would answer : nose ! Partners never touch the nose ! (Well, I do...) Am I right ?
... adn, well, no, I didn't know you were living in the land of No-Hugs. I only knew it was not yet basket-of-kittens like, but I was far to imagine you had this no touch as a policy... I am quite amazed ! Now, it is really great that you my friends are around, and on that blog, so that I can discover all these things at last!
Hugs to you all. :p
The people with cardboards I met in Budapest. Nyugati underwalk or Moszkva tér I guess. I had K in a kangaroo, so I smiled that I don't need it now :)
Otherwise about the basket-of-kitten theme I think every person and relationship has its own rules and customised number of touches.
Pairs don't clean each others ears with bare fingers. I'm almost sure. But I think the question was about a normal touch. Shaking hands?
YESS!
Its shaking hands! Apparently it's so formal that it's almost offending to do it in personal relationships. Just think about it; when was the last time you shaked hands with your mom?
Intersting, eh?
And holding hands, an almost identical kind of touch is considered very intimate, one of th emost intimates things you can do with your clothes on I find.
What makes them so different, what do you think? (I don't know the answer for this one.)
well that's where living far away kind of sucks - nanaimo and tarelle actually doesn't know that i teached her son to shake hands with everybody - instead of more baby-like things like kisses or strokes or whatever...it is so cute to shake hands with somebody who is not yet two years old and someone you can just cuddle afterwards :D
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