I went to a Verdi concert last week (my Mum asked me when I told I was going: hey, not depressed enough already? ha ha-very funny). Actually, she was right, I was weeping quietly half the time - especially when the choir was singing. This is even more unusual when you consider I don't like choirs in general. But this music has such a force! Just listen.
And I was struggling with one, big thought (almost as if it was written with capital letters inside my head): that life is such a big f*ing deception! Everything you do or hope for amounts to something considerably inferior as you would have imagined! Now, this is not what I usually think, but I couldn't help it when I was listening to this concert. Has music ever made you have strange sensations and thoughts like this?
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6 comments:
I think I disagree: life always overcomes my expectations, has more surpize, higher ups and downs than I ever imagined. I guess it's the question of one's ability to imagine things.
But I agree, this music evokes great thoughts and emotions. You always find something to grieve when you listen to it. Even if it is just a little critter you lived with for a couple of years...
I sang in the school choir he first - I thought, but not the same I guess - dont know. I like choir - if I sing at least.
Its nice to sing, and in a choir there are so many voices, that yours nobody hear :P
and ... I agree with nana: if you are ready to accept something, heart and/or mind open, than it works. Miracles, unexpected surprises changing your life come. As they must have come to you also:P
That's not what I tried to say, but never mind, the important thing is that we all agree :).
I like choirs too. When many people sing together (or does anything together) in an organized and harmonic way, it gives me the goosebumps. I am crazy: even the mob singing the national anthem before the soccer game touches me.
A bit like when the cars pull to the side when an ambulance car is approaching: for a moment, everybody puts his/her individual needs and importance aside for something greater.(I know, it's the law, but still.)
And yes: singing is great and the choir (if it is big enough) can suppress my falsetto :)
I hated singing in a choir, I guess because they've put me in alto first then in mezzo but actually I am a soprano, as I've found out years later :-)
I don't know where this "deception" feeling came from...maybe because I find that nothing is impossible to achieve - not the things that look like they are, anyway. It is a great thing but in the same time: for example who would have imagined loving is so difficult? Or that it can be a stuggle to get out of bed in the morning? Some things are so hard to live through, especially the ones you would never have expected to be that way.
Oh, yes, around the time when I finished my PhD I had similar feelings: having PhD seemed such a big thing from a distance, and, by then, it was just routine. It wasn't the challenge I was looking for. I had a series of these disappointments: big professors acting stupid, academical positions given on questionable basis, etc. True.
It's my personal life what held all the pleasant surprizes. And I guess it's because I didn't expected anything good. Or anything at all.
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