Dear VCBisztroters,
Here is a big first-time for me : I just went out of bed at 4:30 in the morning with no urge to go back to my bedsheets and grab a little more sleep from this cruel world. I just feel like taking a good tea, and do a bit of my research which I didn't do much yesterday. Not that anyone is interested in my little adventures, but do you call that insomnia? It is very strange to me, though, as I usually rather can't go to bed, you know, unable to feel any need to go to bed, even 5 or 6 hours after having had dinner and having said goodbye and sleep well to the ones I love, on the phone or on the chat. Today is just the opposite, I woke up a bit at 4.30, like so many times before, but couldn't possibly close my eyes any more. Not that it was painful, really, but I just couldn't. So, what! let's get up!
I can see two possibilities to that o so very strange matter of fact. First, it is only one more weird twist of my researcher's sense of guilt. You know, that dreadful thing that is chasing us, even when we have worked all day: "How come your thesis is not finished yet?"
Another possibility is just... the opposite. I feel so good about my work, life, love, stomach (all four cardinal points of my life, in no particular order), that I don't have to flee under the blanket to forget about it in the arms of slumber.
Who knows which of the two it is? Whichever, it will be a good surprise to Lynx to find me awaken, maybe still working, when she gets up. Maybe I should put some silent alarm on, just before hers ring, so that I go back to bed alongside her, so that she won't be afraid to wake up without feeling me close at hand...
In any case, this strange new state of affairs has two unexpected sides (unexpected: to me). The good side is, I feel new splendid thrills: I drew the curtains open on the nightly lights of street lamps and I will see, little by little, the sun dawn's light growing. Something that I usually only observe when I am a/ completely drunk after a long, long night of partying b/ very, very tired and guilty to have spent the whole night doing nonsense online or watching too many episodes of, say, Dexter.
The dark side is... well, I can't remember. There won't be too much of a dark side, then. Well, I hope. Any light of a professional morning insomniac would be much appreciated here.
Morning-night-catly yours,
Tarelle
5 comments:
oh so you see I have sensed right that you were up! I had just no clue it was for this long...and thank you very much for sneaking back before I woke up - I would have freaked out not finding you beside me! You have just spared me from a heart attack :-)
As for your reasons of waking up, I seriously hope that it is because you feel so good about your life and not the opposite...although some thesis-finishing stress is always good to keep you working more (so just a mild one: a bigger would just hold you back).
The queen of insomnia would no doubt be nanaimo: I remember she once cleaned the whole corvin-appartment from 5 to 7 in the morning because she couldn't sleep (I bet she has other reasons now :-) )
Well, I was also waking up frequently in the stressless university years. I was walking with walkman. Earlier, as a child I read azt home, or took the dog out to the sand mine in summer. The sand was cold when we left and we went barefoot :)
Nowadays I have it again, when you wouldn't think: he doesn't wake up :)
I never considered it bad, I always liked it, it was stolen time - just for me.
Stolen time, indeed.
I remember these when I was a child, when I woke up early with the whole family fast asleep. I sneaked out to the garden, doing I don't know what, and enjoying the private time. It seems I always needed a lot of private time, even as a child.
For the reasons, there is a third: as you age, you need less and less sleep... I'm surviving on 3-4 hours sleep nowadays...
(just joking)
4:30 is pretty early, indeed, even for guilt-ridden researchers like us. let's let go of the guilt and be free! let's get up at 4:30 in the morning, get dressed, have coffee, and head to the beach! ahem, tarelle and lynx, this is a HINT.
Hint received ! And you... go to the Eye ! (hint, hint!) When? Don't you lose cheap tickets!
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