While I was on that short-term break in China, the travelling-spirit just hit me so hard and out of the blue, that I am still wondering what it was and how it works. Here is what I think now.By spirit of travelling I mean rather a state of mind, where I am happy about absolutely anything that happens around me, just enjoying every moment, being restless, curious and easy-going in all things small and big, without effort. Sights, sounds and smells are washing through me, everything I need to do becomes a play, everything I can do is a new source of fun. I enjoy speaking to strangers, sitting down for hours on the side of a road, what's more, I dare to do it - I talk and sit and smile. I don't care if I am cold, I don't start a hysteria if I don't get food at the usual times. Actually, I don't get a hysteria at all.
So, what is this? It would be too easy to say it's the effect of being away from everyday responsibility - for sure, there is something from that, but there is something more - I remember times very clearly when I felt just the same in my hometown and in Budapest where I was home for a very long time.
There is another thing that I realised and that might be connected - I do not go and see just any movie like I used to do: I select. Yes, I have a broader knowledge about what I like and what I don't , but doesn't it prevent me from experiencing new things? Maybe I make mistakes in the selection - why couldn't I sit through a Tarkowski like I used to?
I have the fear that I am losing something : the ability to be open, to accept, to just be - I have expectations now, fears, standards and God knows what else: and these only mean more and more borders. Is it me or is it the evil deed of society? What shall I do to get rid of it?
7 comments:
You're just adding a new dimension to your openness, not getting rid of it! Being selective is a good thing...imagine if you remained non-selective for the rest of your life: that would mean a lot of bad films, not to mention wardrobe disasters. But maybe once in awhile you can force yourself to see or do something you normally would not do, just to remember that you DO have choices..
Being you, lynx, is a great thing. Having friends like beansoup is a marvelous gift. not to mention, you deserve it.
You are both so sweet, but tarelle, don't get me wrong - I am really far from being depressed! It's different and beansoup has a very good point about wardrobes for example: it's great and I am happy that I don't buy (too much) useless or ugly stuff any more. BUT I am seriously afraid that I'll stuck with wearing black turtlenecks the rest of my life...you see? Not much of a problem , but still annoying. What if I turn slowly but surely into the old lady who cannot travel backwards in the bus or has to wipe the seat with a handkerchief before she sits down?
(+ my Judeo-Christian upbringing tells me that nobody deserves anything but we just get it and therefore have to be thankful but this is another story.)
So what if you (and I) turn to be the old lady you described?
Nothing, I suppose.
Wearing black turtleneck for the rest of your life is perfectly fine, being fussy about movies is fine too. You will miss a lot anyways, this world is just too big to really get to know it.
So you pick what will cause pleasure to you.
You don't go and explore more man once you've found a good one. Even if there is the theoretical possibility to find an even better. (THEORETICAL!)
You are faithful to your turtlenecks, and that's a good thing :)
And you will be the grumpy old women and we will like you just the same.
You were allways choosy. And everybody every time has choice.
You didn!'t go to see all the films (Lost in space?).
You never wore cocroachkiller (what For me you allways had a very precisely described style and a taste, just tastes change - yours also.
I couldn't imagine you in Košice in garbo, black skirt, stockings and women's shoes, besides for ages I haven't seen you in kneelong pullover.
And this is just all right as it is :)
A black turtleneck is fine...as long as it's cashmere.
;))))))))))))))))
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